Work Work Work Work Work

“So. Did you already find a job?”

No. I don’t have a job yet. Stop asking me if I have one.

– I wrote this more than two months ago, but I thought it sounded a little too aggressive. I know that the inquiries about my job prospects here in Sweden were and are meant in the best possible way and I didn’t want to offend the people I love by sharing this. So I didn’t. Until now. What’s changed? I was stressing out about getting a job. Me. So I’m sharing these words to remind myself what I’m doing this for. –

10.06.2018

Part of preparing myself for my big move is learning to accept every possible situation and outcome. Basically, I just want to be able to let the experience lead me instead of planning too much ahead, before I even know what life in Sweden actually feels like. I’m learning to let go. Of stress. Of high expectations for myself. And of any other kind of expectations.

I’m just not always good at letting go.

Before I was even sure I would actually move, I was already scanning the internet for interesting jobs I could apply to, which was ridiculous because it would turn out I wouldn’t move for another 9 months. So the first person to convince that I shouldn’t be stressing out about finding a job in advance was me. A job means security. And not having a job means you must be doing something wrong or maybe you’re just a worthless piece of human. That’s what society learns us and what made me freak out a little a couple weeks ago. I don’t have a job yet. But that’s ok. Because I am more than the job I do.

And that brings me to one of the reasons I’m moving:

To choose something completely for myself. Based only on my intuition, I decided to do this. There was no one telling me to do so. No test deciding what country to move to. No career opportunity in a different country. No love I wanted to follow to the other side of the world and back. I only wanted to say yes to what’s inside of me. To what I have been ignoring a lot the past few years because I was busy working and doing stuff other people expected me to do or I expected myself to do because that was what society had told me to believe I should.

So no.

I don’t have a job yet and yes that’s ok. Because I need to take my time to find one and I will. I just need to do it my way, at my own pace.

Thank you for being interested, but by asking me you’re also telling me I need to get a job. Soon. And that’s the kind of pressure I try to stay away from. So please don’t ask again. I’ll tell you when I’ve found one, if I’m ready. I promise.

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